Constant
by verbal acuity
Summary: EliClare - It's been three weeks since he's spoken to Clare, since he's kissed her, and he's going crazy - oneshot.


DISCLAIMER: I don't own Degrassi.

I don't know where this came from. I'm on my friend's laptop, so I couldn't continue anything else I'd started. I just wanted to write this because there are officially over 1,000 ECLARE stories on this site! So I wanted to add another. :3 I pulled this literally out of thin air. And it's probably complete crap, but hey, I gave it my best. I hope someone at least liked it...

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+ **Constant** +

It's hard having to sit in front of her and not be able to distract myself from her. She's in my head constantly, plaguing my mind and she just won't leave. Since we've come back from break, the new rules have been eating me alive. This is such bullshit, these red polos, khakis. How am I supposed to express myself when I can't dress the way I want? Honestly I'm surprised they haven't forbid me from driving Morty to school. He's huge and has plenty of hidden spaces to hide weapons, though I don't. And now, I can't even try to color my nails with Sharpie. When they searched me the first day they confiscated all my Sharpies and said that they're "not allowed," to which I did attest that they owe me $15 for the three that they took. That shit isn't cheap. So, since I can't color my nails... I can't even momentarily remove her from my thoughts.

Clare. Clare Edwards. Saint Clare. Though recently she's been losing sight of her sainthood and I proudly am taking credit for it. I helped her open up, helped her realize she doesn't have to stay quiet. I taught her that she can't keep everything bottled up and that all it takes is to express herself in writing, and she listened to me. She's changed since I first met her. And I wouldn't want anything less. She's amazing, and wonderful, and perfect.

But now I can't even get her to look at me. The only time I hear her voice is when she asks Dawes a question, and I'm not sure anyone understands that that voice breaks my heart every time I don't hear 'Eli' from those lips. My heart is breaking more and more daily. I wake up in the morning and think, "Today will be the day her eyes will lock on mine and she will smile that breathtaking smile and I will be lost at sea." And then I get to school, expecting the most radiant smile directed at me... and it doesn't happen. Then I'm back at square one, twiddling my fingers, wishing I had my Sharpie. And then I wish instead that I was kissing her and my fingers were threaded in cinnamon curls, holding her flush against me.

The bell rings and I'm the first out of the classroom. If I see her in that khaki skirt just below her knees and that purple polo I won't be able to handle it. She's too beautiful to not be allowed to show skin – too beautiful to not be allowed to express herself. I miss her jean skirts and floral shirts barely showing cleavage. I miss being able to kiss her in the library. And I miss the shy smiles she'd send me, teasingly locking eyes with me and then quickly looking down. She was beautiful with a blush on her cheeks... but it's been so long since I've seen it.

Sometimes I wish her locker wasn't so close to mine, because it's hard every morning to resist pulling her to me and stealing her breath away. It's almost impossible to keep myself from grabbing her hips and pressing them against mine. Everything with this girl is impossible. I want her.

"Dude, you gotta stop this," Adam said, coming up to me and leaning against the locker next to mine. "You either have to talk to her – and by talk you know I don't mean talk – or just let it go and move on." I opened my mouth to argue that neither of those are simple, but he spoke again. "I know, I know, 'I can't do that, oh woe is me, I'm Eli Goldsworthy and I've fallen for a Saint!' but come on dude, if you don't do something soon the school is going to blow up from all the sexual tension."

I scoffed. "Sexual tension?" I asked and the hint of a smirk was on my face. "What sexual tension, Adam? I want her, she doesn't want me. End of story."

"Oh please," Adam rolled his eyes. "Can you get anymore _stupid_? Geez Eli, I thought you were smart!"

"You're pushing it, Machismo."

Adam laughed. "Fine," he said, back to being serious. "But seriously. After all the times I catch you staring at her, you don't notice that she doesn't smile anymore?" I thought about it for a moment, realizing he's right. "She misses you, but she's waiting for _you_ to make a move."

"She broke it off with me –"

In return I received a hard smack to my shoulder, but to be honest, Adam's hit wasn't too much worse than Clare's... though he'd have my head if he knew. "Girls think _differently_! I should know, I had to pretend to be one for _years_!" he yelled and I took a step back. I've never seen him get this defensive before, not even when everyone found out about Gracie. "She may have told you she can't be with you, but she's thinking the complete opposite and she wants you to go after her; it's every girl's dream to find that one boy that will throw away everything for her."

I didn't know what to say. All this time Clare's... wanted me to come back for her? To show her that I really care?

Without a response to Adam I turned and went to find Clare. I hope she didn't leave yet. And as I ran down the hall I heard Adam yell in the distance, "You're _welcome_, dude!" and I may or may not have smirked to myself.

* * *

She was at Alli's locker, just talking. Her locker was closed and I assumed they were either about to say goodbye or walk home together. Alli noticed me and I shook my head; she quickly looked away as if I wasn't there. I smirked; she must want this to end as much as Adam does.

"Clare," I said and she jumped at the same time a smirk spread across Alli's face. But she didn't turn around. "Clare. Please."

"Alli, let's go," she said, pretending I hadn't spoken her name out loud for the first time in three weeks. When she grabbed Alli's arm, she didn't budge, only pulled her arm back and folded her arms across her chest. "Alli?"

"It's inevitable, Clare," she said sternly. "Just get it over with. I'll meet you out front in fifteen minutes." We locked eyes and she smiled quickly before she turned on heel and walked down the hallway defiantly.

I took a step towards Clare when Alli was no longer in sight and her shoulders tensed. I bit my lip, not moving any further. "Clare –"

"If you have something to say," she said and I saw that her fists were clenched, "just get it over with. I have to get home."

I felt a pang of pain in my heart, and then the anger washed over the pain and I narrowed my eyes. I grabbed her shoulder and turned her around to face me. "If we're going to have a conversation, you will look at me," I said, voice on the verge of a menacing growl. I was sick of this game. "Clare," my voice was softer this time and I gently grasped her chin. "Look at me, please."

"Eli," her voice came out a whisper but it jolted through my body like a shock – it had been too long since she'd said my name... "I can't do this. You almost died. I almost lost you forever! I don't know what you expect from me but... I can't be with you, Eli. I can't set myself up for that kind of heartache."

She turned to leave but I wasn't having that. Instinctively my hand wrapped around her wrist and I pulled her flush against my chest. My arms wrapped tightly around her waist and I kept her from leaving my arms. She struggled and before she could tell me to let go, my lips were covering hers and she melted into me. Her lips parted and I took advantage of the situation, slipping my tongue in her mouth. God, I didn't know what Heaven tasted like until I kissed this girl. She was my personal Heaven and I needed her.

_No public displays of affection._

I smirked against her lips when I remembered one of the rules… as we broke it. Eli and Clare, breaking one rule at a time since December 2010.

She squirmed in my arms again, shoving at my chest. I pulled back finally and looked her in the eyes. "Clare?"

"I can't – We can't do this, Eli!" She tried pushing me away but I wouldn't let go. "Let me go! We broke a rule already and I've been near you for not even five minutes!"

I thought about it for a moment before a wide smirk spread across my face. She looked worried. "Eli?"

With my grip still on her wrist I tugged her along with me until we found an empty classroom. I turned my smirk towards her and she blinked, but didn't say anything. I opened the door slowly, peeked in, and then brought her in with me, closing the door behind us. I moved us away from the door and pressed her against the wall, locking my lips to hers once again. Her wrists were locked in my hands against the wall and my body was against hers to keep her in place.

_Students are not allowed in empty classrooms without supervision._

I smirked against her lips; _another rule broken_. Her struggles became half-hearted until she wasn't resisting anymore. When she finally began to kiss me back I felt complete. Slowly, I released her wrists and they quickly moved to my neck, tugging softly on my hair while my hands gripped her hips. I groaned against her mouth and pressed myself closer to her, a quiet sound coming from her throat. My hands moved from her hips to tug her shirt from her too-long skirt but that was where she stopped me. Her hands left my hair to wrap gently around my wrists and pulled my hands away from her.

She pulled back from my lips and gave me a soft reprimanding look. "Eli, I'm not ready for that, not yet," she said, voice raspy from the breath I'd stolen from her moments ago. She looked down at her watch and then smiled up at me apologetically. "Fifteen minutes is almost up. I better get to Alli before she starts to worry."

I sighed as she pulled herself away from me, feeling a wash of emptiness overcome me and I was suddenly cold. I grasped her wrist and pulled her back to me. She looked up curiously and I leaned down to place a quick, chaste kiss on her already swollen lips. "Are we...?"

"I'm not sure, Eli," she said, and my heart sunk. She leaned up to kiss me the way I had just kissed her. "But I do know that I liked that a lot and... I really do want to do that again."

A grin spread across my face and she took my momentary shock to slip out of the classroom, looking around to make sure no one was nearby, and then she was gone. I stayed there for a moment, not really knowing what to do. That was her subtle way of saying 'I'm giving you a second chance, don't screw it up,' and you know what? There was no way in hell I was going to screw this up. I refuse to lose her again.

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I am complete FAIL at titles, just so you know. So please don't criticize. I admitted it, okay? xD Please review.


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